Go Home, You're Drunk
At some point in your life, you will be in a situation where you have had one too many sherbets, whilst also holding a technological device. This is called a disaster in waiting, and many social lives have fallen foul to social media blunders whilst under the influence. But worry no more. |
| Source: hookmedia.com |
In fact, a range of apps are becoming available to protect you from yourself, and they can keep you from making any unwise phone calls, texts, Facebook posts, and tweets.
Android users can now download an app called Drunk Locker, which is specifically designed to prevent you from creating destruction on social media when you are on a night out. For many, the temptation to hit social media whilst drunk is too much, so this app will prove invaluable. The app allows the user to block Facebook, Messenger, SnapChat, Instagram, Tumblr and Twitter for a time period of their choosing.
When planning a night out, you can lock yourself out of these dangerous platforms for up to 10 hours. How on earth are you expected to cope? Even worse, if you set the lock, you will be unable to have a sudden change of heart. You will be locked out of society for an unbearable amount of time. You will be disconnected with the rest of the world, and will eventually feel alone and scared.
“We want to protect you so that you don’t make a mistake that will affect you for the rest of your life,” the site’s website dramatically declares.
“We know that social media runs the world and we want to protect your reputation.”
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| Source: theantisocialmedia.com |
The app has been subject to critical acclaim, generating an average score on Google Play of 4.8 stars out of 5. Again, fear not Apple enthusiasts, as you can use Social Lock,
which asks you to perform a test of your motor skills before giving you
full access to your social media accounts. If you stumble or your
fingers fail to move in the required way, you will be effectively refused entry to your own information.
On the way, there is a host of “drunk dial” apps, that will prevent you from calling or texting your contacts when on the verge of paralysis through alcohol.
So this is it. The end game. All this technological progression, and we as a species have finally reached the summit of our potential. We can now rest easy knowing that even in our most embarrassing states, out phones still have us covered. I suppose it is a contemporary first world problem that needs eradicating, just like world food shortages, economic inequality, and racial division.
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